hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
