there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
