guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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