I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
