You can't motorboat a personality
my being single is dangerous.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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