I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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