I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
