I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
