STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
