he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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