doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
