I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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