Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
