I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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