If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
