So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
