holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
