look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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