Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
foreskin is a definite game changer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
