What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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