I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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