I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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