I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
