On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
