Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
soo... how was my night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
