dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
