FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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