You're my little dorito
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
