I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
