I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
