omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
