Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
this will be a night to untag.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize