just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
