he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize