I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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