She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
