I wannas sexs uuuuu
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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