college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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