I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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