I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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