My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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