dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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