so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Fuck appropriateness.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
