She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was like eating out sand paper
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
