Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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