I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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