You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
