Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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