When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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