Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
