onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
