Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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