Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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