hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
