Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was like having sex with a tree stump
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
