I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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