i jhust puked up my retainher.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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