He asked to "fluff my boner.."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
