shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
