Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
