i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
