party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
