got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
