i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
