I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize