i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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